I Miss Cash

Dolla Dolla Bills Y’all

Time was, money was a thing that involved counting, not swiping, or god, placing your chip in the reader! How unsexy is that? Nah, we had wads, stacks, billfolds, piggy banks, money clip, change jars! You touched your money. You held your money. You folded it, (sometimes in a certain way so it slid on stage easier). But it was real, in your hand and in your pocket.

Look at that thing of beauty! This was taking coin jars to another level, using a water cooler bootle! Perfect hole for putting coins in and super difficult to get them out. 

Do you even know the glory of pouring out a coin jar and digging through the crappy nickels to find quarters? Do you even know what fingers used to smell like with penny flotsam all over them? If you do, you probably remember it fondly as well, it was a joy. If you don’t well, you are missing out! 

… Oh the glory of a half dfollar! 

I figured Eddie money should be in here somewhere. We used Cash back then, by the way. 

Credit and Debit Cards Save Time! 

I, of course,  use cards all the time now, I’m not a Luddite. Here’s my problem, they don’t really save time. It’s a lie. I usually have to wait until the register has finished tallying the sale, and some 23 yr. old dude with Hello Kitty tatts has to hit a button. then, and only then, can I slide my card, wait, nope. I have to insert my chip into the reader. Cool, are we done here? nope. Now, choose “cashback” or “no.” No. Okay, enter in your PIN. Only us savvy users know to hit just hit enter instead of entering our PIN. And then the dude asks me if I want my receipt emailed or printed. Compared top here’s a $20, give me the change, this DIDN’T SAVE ME TIME! 

In the future, all transactions will be on a flexible plastic card. 

Some old guy in  1998

Look, paper money wasn’t perfect, I get that. I’ve probably lost thousands of dollars in coins to couches and car seats in the past decades. But the sheer joy of having your money on your person was a delight. I also declare that is was quicker than what we have now. Besides, shouldn’t paying for something take a little time? Why the rush?

Look at that magnificent $100 bill. It’s gorgeous! 

Photo by Pepi Stojanovski

Ya damn right I threw you some Wu! 

My Favorite things in life don’t cost any money.

Steve Jobs

To recap, let’s kill the penny (hell, I’ll throw in nickels and dimes too), but let’s get back to quarters and paper money. I think the hipsters might find it cool.